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Pathfinder - Magnimar - Cartchase Scene

The PCs and a gang of Sczarni cartjackers have just become aware of the full squad of Magnimar's guardsmen bearing down on us. We have a cartload of stuff and an unconscious horse to get away.

Harshal OoC: So do we do the Keystone Kops, and hang onto each other's ankles and the rear of the cart?
GM: No. But knowing this group I should have Yakity Sax cued.

Gillert: Wait - neither group brought anybody who could actually drive the cart?
Harshal: .... um.
Gillert: I hope we kept the driver alive?
Harshal: Zin shot him in the head.
Ys: And I cut his throat.
Harshal: So no.

Ys OoC: Should we go into Initiative order now?
GM: I've been letting you guys...
Harshal OoC: Panic?
GM: Yes. But the guards aren't quite here yet.

Harshal boots the horse awake and jumps into the driving seat.

Ys OoC: We've still got an appropriate soundtrack - Red Hot Chilli Peppers 'Under the Bridge'
Gillert OoC: I still think Yakity Sax is a better fit.

We drive into the maze of alleyways, dropping caltrops and marbles.

GM: This is especially painful for the guardsman who slips on the marbles, and lands on the caltrops. And then gets used as a bridge by the other guards.

Of course the next alley is blocked by workers and a stack of crates and barrels.

Gillert: Move that stuff or we'll move your bodies!
Harshal: And slice you up and use you as shoelaces!

We turn back on the main road, to get more speed, and now have to deal wit a panicking crowd.

Gillert: If I wasn't a moral person I'd just Colour Spray them and drive over them. But I am a moral person.
Harshal: For now.

GM: .... Well, you're going to have fun with that. And there's alway someone who will stop and ask 'which one?'

At least the crowd is all panicking in one direction now.

Harshal: What I should have said is 'The giant spiders are back!'
GM: Yeah - then they'd all be running towards the sea.

Zin and the Sczarni are sniping and throwing tanglefoot bags off the cart. Unfortunately, the crowd ahead is diverting around a figure standing in the middle of the road, sword in one hand, palm raised in the other.

GM: It's a guard captain.
Tannis: Kill him - it suits our purposes.
Ys: Yes.
Zin: I'll shoot him!
Harshal: I guess we're playing chicken then. Faster! Faster!

It's Ys's dagger that gets him in the leg.

Zin: He used to be a guard captain, but then he took a dagger to the knee.
Tannis: It wasn't funny the first time.

The Captain rolls out of the way of cart, straightens up, and shoots one of the Sczarni riding on the cart.

Tannis: Everything is going according to plan.

Tannis checks the wounded thug, hoping to a chance to leave him behind for the guards.

Tannis: He's too far gone.
Ys: Lose the extra weight!
Tannis OoC: Thankyou.

The Sczarni sniper boots him off the cart.

Tannis: We will avenge him! In due time.
Sczarni: Fuck that, he owes me 60 silver.

By now we're way off course, and see some of our dockworkers have a shouting match with some stevedores. For some reason, Ys thinks that lassoing one of the stevedores and dragging him behind the cart will be a good idea.

Harshal: Why have we slowed down?
Ys: Don't worry about it.
GM: There was a jerk on the wagon. Thanks to the jerk on the wagon.

Ys cuts him loose as we round the corner into the final stretch.

GM: Should I, should I...
Harshal: Yes you should.
Gillert: 'please sir, another thump on the head'

There's another guardsman ahead, buying a handmeal and wondering why everybody is running. It's Colon.

Harshal to Ys: Jump off the cart and save his life.
GM: *cracks up* You just asked Ys. To save the life. Of a guardsman
Ys: No!

Tannis leaps off instead, dropping his disguise and pulling the oblivious guardsman aside as the cart races past.

Tannis: Colon, my friend! Come have a drink!
Colon: Oh, hello Mr Oberech *whoosh of the cart going past* I wonder where they're going in such a hurry.

Final obstacle - a bunch of Shoanti in the middle of the road, having an altercation with Varisians. This is problem for Harshal, since he's a Shoanti who portrays himself as a Varisian, there's racial tension between the locals and the Shoanti clans, and the last three Shoanti representatives that came to Magnimar got killed under highly suspicious circumstances.

Gillert: If you run over both of them-
Harshal: Yes, it's fair, but!

Harshal steers the cart through the Shoanti entourage, taking out the corner of a building as they scatter. And then gets slightly lost finding the empty warehouse we were aiming for, since Tannis jumped earlier.

GM: But at least you lost the guards.

Zin: And then, back from the road where you yelled 'There's a dragon coming!' A bunch of kobolds doing a dragon dance emerge.
Bystander: Really? Ok, I guess?!

Dividing the loot.

Sczarni Sniper: To tell you the truth, we only really need one of each. Bit more to cover costs. The bosses want to know what the Nightscales are up to.
Gillert: ... I think I'm hearing an echo.
Ys: *starts to cackle hysterically*
Tannis: Don't mind her, she does that.

We let the Sczarni hole up in the warehouse, until the guardsmen calm down, and they can take their selection off in a handcart. We'll 'recover' the excess to return to the original buyers.

Tannis: What a pity it would be if the Guard caught them as they were passing through Underbridge.
GM: You bastard. But if they get caught, what's to stop them singing about you?
Tannis: I was planning on burning this location anyway.
Harshal: I rather not let the guards know there were two groups involved.
GM: The witnesses will confirm that it was a precision operation :)

The reagents are indeed volatile, and inflammable. Some bubble alarmingly when Ys experiments. The alchemsteel and asbestos tubes, and valves, are puzzling too.

GM: This is some kind of thrower of flame.
Zin: It's a Dragon's Breath weapon!

We haven't got all the pieces - but the possibility that a cult leader with a thing for fiery destruction DOES is a little worrying. Time to invest in asbestos underpants...

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