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Hero Shrew: Basically, I'm lurking in the bushes while you two break into a LoCarb business premises, and I'll be pulling up a tree to use as a battering ram when you scream for help.
Flux: And Fireflash isn't here because she needs to be at home studying.
GM: She can fly here in minutes - it's not that far from Monterey to San Fran.
Fireflash: Probably closer to an hour. Longer if I stop for breaks.
GM: You really need to get her here - you're going to be here a while.
Hero Shrew: I can do that - I'll ring her and tell her what you two are doing, and she'll come here and stop you.

GM: You don't find any pentacles, but you do find this symbol all over the place.
Hero Shrew OoC: Ah, a Celtic knotwork Yggdrasil
Hardlight: OMG, they're not white collar witches, they're white collar druids.

Of course, the players know enough mythology and folklore to have a long list of things to be avoided, such as wrestling contests and being shoved into cauldrons.

Hero Shrew OoC: Check the canteen for holy grails before you leave.
GM: What?
Hero Shrew OoC: Cauldron of Plenty.
GM: But none of you know that because you all failed to ID the symbol.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, we're just not very good.
Hardlight: Wasn't there a stone circle around here?

We head back to the hotel, arguing about lost languages like Celtic Runes, the Rongo-rongo tablets, and so on

GM: Funny thing is, that tablet you're after is in a lost language.

At least Hardlight remembers to get Hero Shrew to sniff around the stone circle - literally. But it's Flux who smells the unpleasant odor first.

Hero Shrew: The Worst Toilet in Scotland?
GM: Not quite that bad.

And Hardlight's scan of the stones produces some odd results. They're dolerite, for one thing. The fuzzy five pointed shadow on the scan under the trilithons is probably bad news too.

GM: There's a strong ammonia / fecal smell.
Hero Shrew: Hobo nest?
GM: Miiiiight be? Alright, here's a clue - what do Nicholas Cage and Christopher Lee have in common?
Hero Shrew: .... they've both played Dracula?
GM: OK, how about Edward Woodward, Britt Eckland, Ingrid Pitt, Ellen Burstyn, Kate Beehan
Fireflash: Oh dear.

GM: Despite your invisibility, the figure wrapped in wicker can see you.
The Wicker Man: YOU WILL FREE ME.
GM: You all heard that, incidentally.
Hero Shrew: Um.

Hardlight: Um... I cast Expeditious Retreat.
The Wicker Man: *bursts into flame and comes after Hardlight*
GM: Funny enough the fire isn't that hot - yet. The rest of you see fire and hear a yell for help.
Hero Shrew: We'll need to beat that fire out *pulls up a tree*
Flux: We're not there yet.
Hero Shrew: Hey, I remember the plan - you call for help, I pull up a tree and come help.
Flux: *sigh*

The tree proves oddly difficult to dislodge, which will probably prove important later.

GM: You find Hardlight wrapped in wicker which is on fire.
Hero Shrew: *grins evilly and heft his oak* We need to beat that out.

Hero Shrew: *on phone to Fireflash's message bank* Hey Fireflash -
Flux: You're on the phone mid-combat?
GM: Soliloquies are single-action.
Hero Shrew: - you know how you said to ring you if we did anything stupid? Well, Hardlight's on fire in some kind of cane basket-

Hero Shrew OoC: So, do you object to me hitting you with an oak tree?
Hardlight: No.
Hero Shrew: !
Hardlight: This once.

Hero Shrew: I wouldn't want to be the gardener around here.
Hardlight: Maybe it is the gardener.
Hero Shrew: Nah - a gardener in Southern California would be Mexican.

The Wicker Man rebuilds his armour and continues an apparent attempt to transform Hardlight into another Wicker Man. And then four more lumber out of the undergrowth. Flux blasts the first Wicker Man off his feet, and Hero Shrew winds up for a haymaker on it.

GM: This will be fun. You'd smelled Scooter when he was wet before, but what do you think of the smell of burnt fur?

Hero Shrew: Fireflash is going to have so many missed calls on her message bank. 'What was the number for PRIMUS again?'
Flux: 'You might want to bring some weedkiller'

Hardlight generates a hardlight chainsaw to get out of his entanglement.

Hero Shrew: 'By the Hoary Hosts of Husqvarna!'
Hardlight: New plan! RUN!
Wicker Men: FREEEEDDDDOOOOOMMMM

Flux and Scooter gets grabbed by the other moaning wicker creatures. Scooter keeps whaling on the first one despite the flames that keep erupting from it. Flux finally gets through to Fireflash.

Fireflash: Hello?
Flux: Do you have a memo pad?!
Fireflash: Why do-
Flux: This is the last will and testament of-
Wicker Men: FREEEEEEDDDOOOOMMMM
Fireflash: What???
Flux: I'm being eaten by a wicker man!
Fireflash: What???????
Hardlight: ARE YOU ON THE PHONE????
Fireflash: What are you even doing up there???
Flux: We needed to find the guys so the other guy will give us the thing-
Fireflash: That is terrifyingly nonspecific!
Flux: THE WICKER MEN MIGHT BE LISTENING
Wicker Men: FREEEEEDDDDOOOMMMMM
Hardlight: THE POWER OF JOHN DEERE COMPELS YOU
Flux: That's Husqvarna!
Fireflash: Stop telling him he's wrong when he's getting it right!
Flux: Do you want me to put you on speakerphone?

Flux figures out that these things are actually thorn golems, and that they're draining us for their own power. Not that this does him any good, since all his incantations require freedom of movement.

Hero Shrew: What Hardlight needs to do is conjure up a hardlight combine harvester.
Hardlight: True.

Hardlight cuts Flux free, but the shrew is rapidly losing vitality. Happily, the other two get him free.

Hardlight: Run away! Run away!
Flux: Escap-ay!
Hero Shrew: Will should probably tell somebody about this.
Hardlight: Oh, you think?

Hero Shrew: We need to get a fire truck up here and run a hose out.
GM: Have any of you bought a positive public image yet?
Flux: No. And Scooter has a negative one.
GM: Yes - you have a reputation for causing property damage.
Hero Shrew: Yes, but this time I'm getting the fire trucks in beforehand.

Happily, with some forward planning and using Hardlight as bait, we manage to take the thorn golems down and rescue the unfortunate homeless people they were using as hosts. They don't remember a thing apart from the initial wicker attack.

Hardlight: I'll get them in contact with the San Francisco branch of Homes for the Homeless and make a generous donation.
GM: Ah yes, the Century Industries branch.
Hardlight: Fuck.
GM: Well, Centurion IS one of those CEOs with more money than he knows what to do with.

Hardlight also discovers that the central stone of the circle was once covered in blood, but it was repeatedly scrubbed with ammonia and other cleaning products. This is presumably A Clue.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
dreamer_easy
Feb. 17th, 2017 12:21 am (UTC)
sssnnnrrrkkk
drhoz
Feb. 17th, 2017 12:03 pm (UTC)
:) which bit in particular?

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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