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Pathfinder - Magnimar, continues, as as usual the Harroe Deck in use by the GM and Gillert's character is reading to some interesting random problems - for a certain level of interesting.

Harshal's Player: What I'd like to know is why is there so much kobold porn on Tumblr.
All: ...
GM: Wait, what????
Harshal's Player: I wonder if Kobold Princess has something to do with it.
GM: Probably - you know how things snowball on the internet.
Gillert's player: *shudders*
GM: I bet I can guess where YOUR mind just went. Fun movie, Clerks.

Rumours - the Nightscales have settled their remaining differences, after the leadership struggle.

GM: The previous leader gambled and lost. He shouldn't have lost, but he hadn't taken PCs into account.
Harshal OoC: Rolled badly on the Wandering Adventurers table.

The new leader of the Thieves Guild is one Athar Torn.

Tannis: Meanwhile, we're looking into the Tannis Oberech Home For Wayward Familiars.

Of course, such an undertaking will be a drain on finances, as will rehousing all those kobolds.

Zin: I'm fine with raiding another strange wizard's mansion.
Gillert: They're not called wizard mansions - they're called magical deathtraps.

On the other hand, hiring the kobolds out as work teams generates income. Get to work, you little scaley buggers! Our work on the docks and warehouses is also attracting renewed interest in that part of Magnimar - some people are already showing tourists around.

GM: Which basically involved hiring our armed guards to accompany you - since you still need to go through Underbridge to get there. So other people are already making money from your enterprise.

Tannis: We need to put a stop to that.
GM: ... These guys have no concept of economics, do they.
Ys: I think they've already invented vertical integration. Whereas I'm a fan of vertical disintegration.

Gathering info on Athar Torn. He's a cult leader, of the Elemental Queen of the Inferno.

Harshal: Even with the most benign interoperation of 'cult', this is not a good sign.
Gillert: 'We're a book-reading club - over here is the King in Yellow, the Necronomicon...'

Consulting the world map as we investigate Athar's background - the map with such useful annotations as 'Huge International Clusterfuck', 'Pirates and More fuckin' Pirates'.

GM: There's a lot of interesting stuff in Bungabungaland.
Harshal: And we're not going to see any of it, since we're city folk and will never leave town. Magnimar is the best city in the world - who would ever want to leave?
GM: Top three, sure.

GM: Athar made a statement - you didn't find out what the statement WAS, but apparently there were a number of injuries, and they other gangs are happily following their lead now. So it's possible he had the other gang leaders made an example of.
Harshal: I wonder if it's related to that murder in the alley a few weeks back.
Gillert: The one we perpetrated or the other one?

Harshal: If we keep asking questions about Athar, and the cult, and the Nightscales or whatever evolves to replace them, it's going to attract attention back to us.
Gillert: True.
GM: Maybe - but as new businessmen - Up-and-coming venture capitalists -
Tannis: Thankyou.
GM: - you'd have a good reason to wonder what a renewed Thieve's Guild will mean for your business.

And of course, sooner or later people in suits are going to show up for their cut. How do we deal with them when they do?

Tannis: This is mostly directed at Ys -
Ys: You don't want me to kill them, I get that. But I've recently acquired a new toy - see? It has a flat side.
Tannis: Very good.

Gillert: OK, if they're polite we'll deal in good faith, but if they're stand-over thugs-
Ys: We beat them unconscious and dump them in an alley to recover.

The inevitable mobsters do indeed show up - but they're Nightscales, not Sczarni.

Tannis: And who might you be?
Mobsters: Our names are currently unimportant. But you may call me Mr Black, and my associate is Mr White.

They want to enter a business agreement, using our docks to import certain goods. They assure us that none of the goods are actually illegal in Magnimar, that they'll expect us to deal with any Customs inspections honestly, and will deal with any transport problems offered by Underbridge.

Harshal: Well, they're certainly taking a weight off my mind. If the stuff isn't illegal...
Ys: Of course, they've said nothing about whether it was illegal to export from the original port.
GM: Magnimar generally doesn't care - that sort of thing is the other country's problem.

Mobsters: One more thing - some of the goods will arrive in sealed jars. It is important that only us or the Customs inspector open them. The contents might be spoiled by exposure to air.
All: .... Okaaaay

The contract Harshal draws up after the negotiations is actual very favourable - although we have no idea what the weird metal objects and stranger fabrics coming in from Alkenstar, and glassware and the mysterious jars from Osirion, are actually for.

Gillert: Ah... what do these jars actually look like?
Harshal: They don't have animal heads for stoppers, do they?
GM: They're not canopic jars, no.

Gillert: Can we avoid importing or exporting cattle for a while?
GM: Well, there's one cow that would be a really dick move to export.

Hanging around during the Customs inspections doesn't help either - Harshal doesn't spot any of the symbols meaning 'Don't Check This Bottle' that he was expecting, and Ys' best guess that the Nightscales are doing something alchemical to volatise the strange oils they're importing.

Harshal OoC: So... they're making a fuel-air bomb because Athar Torn is a cult leader of the Queen of the Inferno.
Tannis: ... Oh. I forgot that.
Ys: Oh. Greek Fire.
GM: You did notice the Customs inspectors were using safety lamps.

We do figure out that the metal stuff is made from Alkensteel, a remarkably durable and corrosion-resistant metal. And some of the fabrics are probably asbestos. Ys needs a closer look at that oil - so we plan to hit one of he convoys after they leave our warehouse. After all, if they got stolen from our warehouse we'd have to replace it, but if it got stolen during transport...

Harshal: Sign this. Now it's your problem.

GM: I would like to remind you that last time you were on a job one of you referred to another by name.
Ys: Yes, but everybody who heard us is dead.
GM: Either way I'd suggest codenames.

Harshal: We need to steal it of the back of a truck.
GM: I think you're planning to steal the entire wagon.... and you've finished the false front to the kobold grotto, haven't you. You fuckers.

Of course, since all this commerce is legal, we'll have to do it in broad daylight.

Gillert: Our stealth bonuses aren't that good.
GM: Yes they are.
Gillert: Well, we still need to set up a distraction.
GM: Kobold festival! Cymbals! Fireworks! It's a Kobold Holy Day! Nobody will know better.
Tannis: And that's why I'm paying them a bonus.

Ys: I don't want to hit the wagon in Underbridge - I don't want to piss off the Gargoyles.
GM: You live there.
Ys: Yes, but that's not the reason. Some of them are drinking buddies. A gang that stayed independent from the Nightscales AND the Sczarni. And we go to church together.
Tannis: ... which church.
GM: That's the question. You've heard Ys say stuff before she's killed people before - you're not sure, but it had the cadence of a prayer.
Gillert: 'I have sinned... and it was awesome'.

The plan - distract the driver and guards, Zin snipes the driver, and the rest of us, in disguise, dash out of the alleys to deal with the guards, and then we drive off in the wagon. For some reason the GM thinks this is hilarious.

Tannis: Zin, how do you feel like setting up a distraction?
Zin: What kind of distraction?
Ys: Total destruction.
Tannis: DISTRACTION.
Zin: I'd need more money for total destruction. Hey, guys! It's a day off!

The Kobolds do their best to be as conspicuous as possible, while the PCs are invisible. Stealth Synergy is such a useful feat. However, the GM's gleeful expression has us highly concerned.

GM: It's a kobold band playing 'Dance of the Parasprites'. You really are just Fraggles, aren't you.

The wagon we're hijacking has two half-orc guards, in addition to the driver. This should be easy. Which makes us even more nervous.

Gillert: Thought for the day - a tripwire for a dragon is neck height for most creatures.

GM: -and... What's the name again?
Tannis' player: Tannis.
GM: Sorry, it's been a while since I've used the names.
Tannis' player: That's alright. Mark.
GM: Mark works actually - it's my middle name.
Tannis' player: Goddammit.

Zin fires, and we rush out. And we find out why the GM has been so giggly - as other nondescript figures dash out of the alleys. Some of them were in the same alleys we were. We stare at the Sczarni hijackers, and they stare at us. The driver tries to stare at the crossbow bolt sticking out of his head. One of the Sczarni trips over the trap Zin set to cover our retreat.

GM: You're not the only group out there with Stealth Synergy.

Happily, Gillert's Colour Spray affects everybody.

Gillert: ... and I've just realised that includes the horse.

The guards, driver, and one of the Sczarni go down to the magic. The Sczarni sniper, who had been readying his own shot when Zin fired his and triggered everybody else to run out, finishes off the guard and calls down "Well, THAT was interesting."

Ys: Parley!
GM: Ys, of all people, just called for parley. Make this date on your calendar.
Tannis: *in his Taking Charge voice* OK everybody, continue with the plan! Down this alley!
Sczarni Sniper: *reloading* You got a closer spot?
Tannis: *hurriedly trying to remember if there are any empty lots nearby that AREN'T our kobold grotto*
Ys: *too busy offering up the driver's blood to the god of Murder and Assassination*
Gillert: And is anybody even remotely surprised?

We wake up the horse, and then we hear whistles, and look down the street.

GM: Coming out of UNDERBRIDGE is a full squad of guardsmen.
Gillert: Oh, fuck off.
Harshal: Exactly what Harrow cards did you draw over there?
GM: *grinning evilly* Not saying

And thus we flee, trying to outrun the guards, and not alienate our new friends in the mob, and keep hold of the wagon of mysterious goods.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
pencil_monkey
Mar. 8th, 2017 06:48 pm (UTC)
GM: The previous leader gambled and lost. He shouldn't have lost, but he hadn't taken PCs into account.
Harshal OoC: Rolled badly on the Wandering Adventurers table.

Is that the one where a Nat 100 gets you Paddy McGinty? ;-)

On the other hand, hiring the kobolds out as work teams generates income. Get to work, you little scaley buggers! Our work on the docks and warehouses is also attracting renewed interest in that part of Magnimar - some people are already showing tourists around.

Pretty sure the same thing happened in a Nodwick episode, where a classic D&D death-trap dungeon was made even more evil, when it was turned into a tourist trap.

Tannis: We need to put a stop to that.
GM: ... These guys have no concept of economics, do they.
Ys: I think they've already invented vertical integration. Whereas I'm a fan of vertical disintegration.

Not to mention simple subtraction, and long division.


Edited at 2017-03-08 06:49 pm (UTC)
drhoz
Mar. 22nd, 2017 08:53 am (UTC)
yowch - McGinty would be on the same level as the Tarrasque
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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